Going through a divorce with kids?
Don’t be overwhelmed by the legal jargon you have to learn. Child custody laws are complicated, but if you know how they work, you can put your family in the best position to get a favorable outcome. The more you know the better.
It’s true that nearly 1.09 million people get divorced each year in the US. But the laws and court processes are far from arbitrary. When it comes to your children, there are established rules that guide the court’s decisions.
You’ll learn:
- How Child Custody Laws Actually Work
- The Different Types of Custody Arrangements
- Factors Courts Consider When Awarding Custody
- When to Get a Family Lawyer
How Child Custody Laws Actually Work
The purpose of child custody laws is simple. They’re designed to promote the best interests of children.
States vary in their specific custody laws, but all states follow this same basic philosophy. Family court judges do not make decisions on a whim. They are guided by established legal principles to make custody decisions that will provide stability and loving homes for children after divorce or separation.
Here are the basics:
Courts have two categories of custody:
- Legal custody — Who makes major decisions about a child’s life, such as medical care, education, and religion
- Physical custody — Where the child lives
Legal custody is more commonly shared by both parents. Physical custody can be shared or granted solely to one parent. But it’s important to understand that judges aren’t coming into your life to boss you around.
Judges look for solutions that preserve stability for children during and after the divorce process.
When it comes to family law and your divorce proceedings, there are some questions to ask a divorce lawyer that will set you up for success. The right lawyer can help you learn your rights, identify custody options, and create a custody plan tailored to your family. So, even though legal fees are costly, if your divorce is contested, an attorney can save you time, money, and stress in the long run.
The Different Types of Custody Arrangements
Parents going through divorce or separation have several types of custody arrangements to consider.
Joint Custody
Joint custody, where both parents have substantial rights and responsibilities for their children, is becoming the norm. This includes both decision-making authority as well as sharing parenting time. Depending on the situation, parents can also have joint legal custody or physical custody.
Joint Custody Arrangements:
- Joint legal custody – parents share decision-making authority on important issues
- Joint physical custody – children live with each parent an amount of time agreed upon by parents or ordered by the court
Joint custody does not necessarily mean equal time with each parent. The arrangement can be tailored to fit the needs of the children, and other circumstances, as well.
Sole Custody
One parent has primary or sole custody. This may be the parent who has traditionally been the primary caregiver. Or it could happen because of safety concerns or if a parent is unwilling or unable to properly care for the children.
In cases of sole custody, one parent has full decision-making authority. The other parent is sometimes granted visitation rights.
Split Custody
Split custody is an arrangement where more than one child has a different custodial parent.
For example, if you and your spouse have four children, you may get custody of two while your spouse gets the other two. This is unusual because courts often prefer to keep siblings together.
Key Factors Courts Consider in Custody Decisions
Courts consider a variety of issues and factors when making custody decisions. The primary factor is always what is in the best interests of the children.
Factors considered include:
- The child’s age and health needs
- The child’s wishes (depending on age)
- The parents’ ability to provide a stable, safe home
- The ability of each parent to provide for the child’s emotional, medical, and educational needs
- The strength of the parent/child relationships and each parent’s past involvement in the child’s life
- The parents’ ability to communicate and co-parent
- Any evidence of domestic violence or child abuse
- The parents’ work schedules and availability
- Extended family relationships
- The need for continuity in school and community
The courts don’t have a fixed formula to make custody decisions. Judges weigh all of the factors to determine what is best for your children. In 51% of custody cases, parents agree that mothers should get primary custody.
If parents are cooperative, courts tend to rule in favor of co-parenting and shared custody.
When You Need Professional Legal Help
If you’re starting to feel like you need a lawyer, chances are you do. Family law is complicated, and custody cases can quickly become complex.
You should strongly consider hiring an experienced family lawyer if you:
- Cannot reach an agreement with your spouse about custody arrangements
- Are accused of or have evidence of abuse or neglect
- Wish to relocate to another state with your children
- Ex has retained an attorney
Don’t wait too long to get legal help. Your decisions now will impact your family’s future. A family law attorney can guide you through your rights, help you plan, and ensure you’re prepared to present your case.
The decisions made during divorce proceedings affect your children for many years. Parents should not try to navigate the system without expert advice.
Common Mistakes That Can Hurt Your Case
Divorce is an emotionally-charged process, but parents who lose sight of their custody goals can sabotage their case. Here are some common errors parents make in family court:
Bad-mouthing the other parent – Do not speak negatively about your ex in front of your children or online.
Disobeying court orders – Do not be late for custody exchanges and handovers. This makes you look unreliable.
Using your child as a go-between for communication – Talk directly to your ex about your children. Your child should not relay messages between you.
Failure to keep records of key information – Document missed visitation and payment of support. Keep evidence of issues like violence or drug use.
The Reality of Modern Custody Arrangements
You might be surprised to know custody arrangements are becoming more balanced than they used to be. Mothers still receive primary custody most of the time, but more fathers are getting significant time with their kids.
The old “tender years” standard favoring young children with their mothers is mostly gone. The modern trend is for courts to examine each parent’s strengths and focus on the child’s best interests, regardless of gender.
We are moving toward a future with:
- More shared custody plans
- Increased father involvement in child rearing
- Greater schedule flexibility for modern families
The Emotional Toll on the Family
Going through a divorce is not easy. Children and spouses all have their own coping skills and support networks. But your family should try to work together to get through this as smoothly as possible.
Here are a few reminders:
- Be the best parent you can be during the divorce process. Your kids need you to be strong
- Stay positive and focused on the kids
- Avoid the urge to badmouth the other parent
- Get some help for yourself and your children to work through the transition
Do what you can to protect your children during and after the process.
The goal is not to “win” against your spouse in court. The goal is to put your family in the best position for a stable future.
Bringing It All Together
Child custody laws may be complex, but understanding the basics of how they work and the factors courts consider is important. Remember that laws in your state may have specific requirements or standards, but custody cases are far from random. Judges follow established legal principles when making decisions about your children.
If you’re facing a contested custody battle, don’t try to go it alone. Your future with your children is at stake. Get the guidance you need to make informed decisions to protect your family.